It’s been a long time. A lot has happened. A lot has changed. I have changed. My life has been a mixture of brutal and beautiful and I am becoming quite the master of flowing with the highs and the lows; most of the time!
I mentioned in my last story I had had a date with The Dragon Wizard. That was the beginning of quite a journey for me. In fact it is quite odd writing this story, as he is sat opposite me in a cafe right now working on his laptop. We are currently on a camping trip however it is a working holiday for him so I thought I could start writing again and bash out some more stories.
That first date was certainly a magical one and most extraordinary too (I guess it must have been, to still be sitting with this man 5 months later). I took him to my favourite lake walk that leads to a waterfall and we had quite the adventure. What I hadn’t realised is if you keep walking up past the waterfall you arrive at more and more waterfalls. It really is one of the most beautiful walks I have been on and has this mystical, spiritual air about it.
We clambered through trees and bushes, chatted constantly and it was so easy. This guy had a beautiful vibe about him. He was very much on his spiritual path and his work involved energy healing and developing a new meditation website. The conversations were interesting. The date was giving me faith after The Sexy Caveman, who I had liked so much, dissolving before my eyes. A reminder that when we end one thing it leaves room for a new, often better beginning. Just another cycle.
I did have my doubts though. I’m not sure why I do this but at times I put myself down and pedestal the man. I say things in my head like, why would a guy in this line of work be interested in someone like me? Surely he would prefer to be with a yoga teacher or life coach, one of those types. To make matters worse I later found out that this is exactly what his last two exes did. Why I felt inferior when I have a lovely meaningful job I have no idea. The ex before me was a woman I had actually heard of and looked at as one of these powerful, sexual wild women. How on earth could I match that? But again, this was just one of my old insecurities surfacing… again. In fact this was the first of many old wounds and insecurities that would surface during this relationship.
The Dragon Wizard was a healer, somewhat shamanic, of course I was in my element but was a bit concerned when he started doing voodoo on me at one of the waterfalls. Light language was a flow while staring into my eyes. I think it was to empower me however I felt like it was some love spell. It wasn’t long after this spell that I started babbling, babbling some of my biggest life stories. Nooooo not again, oversharing with a man I had only just met.
I invited him back to mine, noooooo yet another rule broken again, to continue our chat. I talked and talked and talked and when I realised what I had done, I felt naked and vulnerable. It was a shit feeling. That first date had lasted 8 hours so I gathered he must have at least liked my company to last that long. He kissed me on the cheek and left. I closed the door, sat on the sofa and cried. I felt so over this never-ending dating cycle.
I didn’t hear from him that night or the next day and there was no way I was going to text first so I gathered that was it and that I had fucked things up with my incessant chatter. In my experience, if you don’t hear from a man within 24 hours then they’re just not that into you. I was feeling so shit about everything I even had to have a day of work. But no I hadn’t made a fool of myself, two days later I received this message:
D: Hey Queen! Hope you are having a great week back at school! Thanks again for the fun adventure!
Q: Hey Dragon Wizard. I was so off yesterday so had to have a day off but back to me today. Sorry for destroying your ears with my stories. Usually a very private person.
(Um am I? Think I was lying to myself here. I’ve always been an open book which can be a great thing and a horrendous thing)
Q: You and your hocus pocus. Enjoyed the adventure though!
D: Oh my goodness! Hope you are ok! I used to suppress my hocus pocus to not blast people, but I’m kind of tired of doing that anymore lol. Yeah no problem, felt like a space was needed to unravel the pat to begin your new chapter perhaps?
(He was actually right, this is exactly what was needed, almost like a need to say goodbye to the old me, the old way of doing things)
Q: I’m all good. I think it’s cool but maybe on a first date suppress so that you appear as an equal rather than a teacher.
(This ended up being an issue for me throughout, wanting to be equal but always feeling like he was teaching or healing me, now I’m realising that this may be why he came into my life so I have just accepted it)
Q:I felt like I was having a healing session, which I am very grateful for but not a first date maybe. Yeah maybe there was a space to unravel. I learnt that I still have boundary issues for sure. Felt very vulnerable telling a stranger so much about myself but done now haha. Just another little thing to remember.
D: Thanks for the feedback! 🙂 Yeah, not my intention to give a session of any sort… just more and more in a continued state of multidimensionality and allowing it. Everything you said makes sense and it is honoured 🙂 I guess we blasted each other… You with stories and me with hocus pocus (laughing face)
Q: No I’m sure. I totally understand. I think it was a mixture of the place and both of us being in a floaty mode of multidimensionality as you call it.
(I then send a heart)
Q: Blasting each other is a good way of looking at it. You not suppressing the magic, me not suppressing the stories. All good. Was lots of fun 🙂
I next heard from him the following afternoon. He left me a voice message inviting me out again and we started collaborating with work ideas. Everything was flowing beautifully, similar life missions, values, beliefs and a good sense of fun. We started hanging out about twice a week, speaking daily and before I knew it I seemed to be in the first healthy relationship I had been in for over 5 years. And this continued for 3 glorious months. Every date was epic, we talked and talked and talked, we shared work ideas, he was even on board with my fostering kids idea. We went to a retreat together, we planned a fun summer. Life was exciting, life was great. I actually couldn’t have been happier. Even when difficult situations arose such as his ex getting back in touch and wanting to see him, I handled it with grace and a sense of calm, knowing my worth and that if he was going to get back with this ex then so be it. This ex, who I later found out, had her own issues and insecurities like we all do so no point pedestaling women either.
But life can’t stay perfect forever. The bubble eventually pops and the shadow side resurfaces. I decided I wanted to move house, a bigger house so that I had somewhere for all these foster kids I was going to take care of. I was getting so good at manifesting, first the man and then the most perfect house with amazing landlords and a swimming pool. The landlords were onboard with my having foster children too. The Dragon Wizard and I discussed the future and decided that if things continued this well, eventually he would move in and share the rent with me.
However there is one big part of this story I have omitted. The Dragon Wizard isn’t from New Zealand. He came here on a holiday visa and because of Covid the visa just kept getting extended. Also he has a 9 year old daughter who he misses terribly. I knew in my heart that at some point I would be having to say goodbye to this man but hope kept telling me I could sponsor him to stay and maybe he could spend some months in the states and the rest of the year here with me. With this coming to the forefront of my mind and the shadows making themselves more present by the second things in our relationship took a sudden down turn. I was left thinking how could life change so dramatically literally over night? Read on to part 2 for the next instalment coming soon.