Keep Looking Forward

Maybe the saying above actually has some meaning in it. Sometimes we look on past events and people with nostalgia. We remember the good times and it’s as if we have put our rose tinted glasses on. Perhaps it’s time to take off those glasses and look at the situation for what it really was and is.

I wrote this because Mr Ferrari had gotten in touch again that morning (via text). A round of applause for keeping in touch! As usual he was communicating with me with silly memes and gifs. To be fair sometimes they are funny but mostly I have seen them all because I admit I spend too long on social media. This meme stated: “At this point I would feel safer if the coronavirus gave a press conference about how it’s going to save us from Trump.”

Amusing sure. Trump says some crazy things and comes across as a buffoon at times, however I communicated somewhat controversially with Mr Ferrari that I think that Mr Trump is misunderstood at times and media tries to make him look like a fool. Especially with regards to the injecting disinfectant.

F: I watched the clip. He was actually serious when making the suggestion. Watching the medical officer’s reaction was the highlight of the weekend (Laughing emoji) He’s losing his mind. But he never was that intelligent to begin with.

Q: He was serious but there are therapies not far off what he was suggesting that could in fact work.

(I have been interested in holisitic health for nearly 5 years and have done a huge amount of research in this field. I have not only researched but tried out things on myself and friends. They can work. I healed a benign growth from my uterus. I was told my cells were transforming and pre-cancerous. Yep I was on the road to cancer and was able to stop that in its tracks).

Q: He must be somewhat intelligent though to become as successful as he has. He just doesn’t articulate himself well which is hilarious for a president.

F: Pump and Dump schemes and Bankruptcy protection. If he had just put the money he inherited from his father in a bank account, he’d be wealthier.

Q: Maybe that wasn’t what he wanted.

And with that I realised how different me and Mr Ferrari are. For him life is all about becoming wealthier. For me I want to become richer by helping others. As long as I can afford to live and do the occasional fun thing that costs such as a holiday I am truly happy.

Straight after that text conversation, I was doing my daily 3 minute pointless flick through Tinder and saw The Smoking Accountant. His profile said: “Just looking for a travel buddy and beer is that too much to ask for? (Don’t like hiking)

Oh dear *sigh*. I’d love someone to travel with but is that it? Again showed me how different we are. I absolutely love hiking. It also got me thinking that if he was serious about meeting up with me after the social distancing is relaxed, then surely he’d be keeping more in contact.

The above was all written in April, during lockdown. In New Zealand we have been out of lockdown for a couple of months now. I feel so blessed as I see the chaos that is still occurring around the rest of the world.

I’m not sure why I stopped writing. Work got busy, life got busy and I also had this fear that by writing my stories I was actually manifesting more crap into my life. I was actually waiting until I finally had a happy ending to write about. So I am going to summarise the last few months and my dating journey and then start my latest story because a few readers have been asking.

Ok let’s start with Mr Ferrari. because he was mentioned above. Once we came out of lockdown he was one of the first people who wanted to see me. I was impressed however nobody will be surprised that this one didn’t work out. He came around to mine because bars etc still weren’t open. We had a good long chat and then he made it very clear what he was looking for. I pretended I had my period, he went home shortly after that. I heard from him one last time.

F: Thank you for hosting me last night. The energy I had no doubt came from the positive vibes x

(He was talking about the sexual energy here)

Q: Hehe you’re welcome and that’s ok. It was a lovely evening x

And with that I never heard from him again. Perhaps he blew off a cliff or something.

As for the Smoking Accountant I heard from him one last time before the end of lockdown.

S: Hey ya . How’s level 3 going?

Q:Hey, really well thank you and for you?

(It took him 4 days to answer this simple question)

S: I’m great. Looking forward to level 2! Will you resume your title as queen of the dates (laughing emoji)

Q: Not really no.

S: Too scared to get out there again in Covid?

(2 days later. I didn’t know what to reply)

Q: Hey Smoking Accountant, nah not scared. Guys have been booking me in. Just relationship ready now. Sick of dating want true love and a true connection.

And that was the last I ever hear from the Smoking Accountant. I guess he wasn’t wanting true love. Oh well.

Shortly after that I started up on Tinder again. I’d had a nice little break during Corona lockdown and was ready to meet people again. The issue was still limited places open to go for dates so I perhaps a little stupidly went straight to inviting the next guy round. To be fair to the next guy, who I shall call the Camp Nurse, he was really really lovely.

He came around one night and we stayed up all night talking and kissing. We connected so well and I really enjoyed his company. He was spiritual, had a good heart and we had plenty to talk about. We saw each other a few more times over the course of two weeks. I was starting to quite like him apart from the fact that he seemed very camp. He openly admitted how effeminate he was and that was a little off putting. He also admitted to having a ‘friend’ when he was a teen and they used to masturbate each other. First men who sleep with transvestites and now a bi-curious man?

We had sex a few times. It was good but he never looked at me, not my body or my face. I found that strange because normally men are quite visual. Maybe he was in fact gay.

Things stopped between us when I saw he had updated his profile to : Now that lockdown is finished we can start having sex again.

As you can imagine I wasn’t amused at all. In fact I contacted him there and then and said, “well what the hell have you been doing with me then? It’s not as if you haven’t been having sex”. He basically fumbled his way through saying it was a joke. I wasn’t laughing.

The nail in the coffin came when he hadn’t made any plans to see me at the weekend. I assumed he was busy so left it at that. I then went to see a group of girlfriends and we were sharing our news. I was talking about the Camp Nurse and one of my friends who is also on Tinder said that she had been talking to him. ‘Ugghh here we go again’, I thought. To make it worse The Camp Nurse had asked my friend what she was up to that evening.

Again I let him know that I wasn’t happy to find this out. He apologised and assured me he wasn’t sleeping with others, just dating.

I’m just not up for dating many once you’ve been intimate together. I told him this and told him i was seeking a relationship. That was that. All very amicable, we just wanted different things. I enjoyed my encounters with him and still speak to him occasionally.

After The Camp Nurse I had few dates with another guy from Tinder – Mr Adonis. We had an amazing phone call together. He was intelligent and charming. We met on a beach at sunset and when he walked towards me I couldn’t believe my luck. What a handsome God of a man. We had the most beautiful chat and cuddle. His family owned a holiday home on the beach so we went back there to continue our chat. It was fun and playful throughout but all I got offered was a glass of water. I hadn’t even had dinner. We had a kiss, it was ok, and I left after a couple of hours. He told me to text him when I got home so I did. He seemed interested and wanted to get to know me.

We saw each other a week later. He came to mine for a wine. Note that he didn’t bring anything. It was Sunday evening so not the best time because I was getting ready for work. We had a nice time though and stayed in touch afterwards but then things just drifted after that. He wasn’t much of a texter and it had been two weeks so I decided to reach out one more time:

Q: Disappeared like a ghost 🙂

A: Haha I didn’t know what to say. Presumed you were busy! You keeping well still?

Q: I am busy but not too busy to talk to you. I guess I’m not very good at reaching out because I don’t want to seem like I’m chasing. I’m ok. Work has been full on. How are you getting on?

A: That’s good to hear. Never feel like that… Just finished golf now. Work should always be full blast for you? My study is going well enough. (He was studying project management after returning from a couple of years living in the UK as an estate agent) Might be doing a road trip for the weekend.

Q: Ah ok thank you. Because I really enjoyed our two dates and would love to continue getting to know you and hanging out.

(Uggh I hate it when I try to take the lead)

A: Yeah same here. You seem very cool. Gah that’s no good. It looks like I’ll leave early Sunday now so how’s Saturday night looking for your?

I was pleased with the fact he then taken it into his hands to book me in for a Saturday night. Ok I had to nudge him but he got the hint.

It was strange though, it got to Saturday night and I just didn’t really feel like seeing him. I was grumpy and didn’t want to be meeting someone feeling that way so I postponed. He was understanding though and a couple of days later rescheduled for the following Friday.

On the Friday, The Adonis was house and dog sitting so I went to visit him there. I brought around a bottle of wine and yet again I was offered nothing. No wine, no snacks. Lucky I brought my own wine so I could just open that.

We had some pretty good conversations but I didn’t feel a strong connection and when we kissed there was nothing. Plus the major red flag was the little dog was cuddling up to me and hiding from him, which reminded me that my cats were running away from him too. Never trust a man who isn’t good with animals. So with that I never saw him again.

I had all but given up on men by this stage. I was doing tonnes of work on myself, healing childhood and teen wounds, working on self belief and self love and mastering my manifesting skills. I was out to finally create my ideal life. And like that a beautiful, spiritual man connected with me on Tinder. I was drawn by his eyes and felt a real pull towards this man. We got texting and it was so easy like I could talk to him forever. It would appear he had been working on manifesting me.

And this is where my story will pause with the beautiful, spiritual man – The Sexy Caveman. I will explain how he got his name next time.