A Month of Lockdown

What a strange time it has been. In New Zealand we are about to move into level 3 after a whole month of being locked up and working from home. Level 3 is basically the same as level 4 but a few more businesses will be opening up so it’s basically level 4 but with take aways oh and you can drive to the beach for a walk and swim. Brr getting a bit cold for that now.

The lockdown hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be to be honest. There have been low days of course. Days when I faced loneliness and thought, ‘poor me’. After two weeks I extended my bubble to join my best friend here and her family on Friday nights. That has been really great for me because I have been able to experience the contrast of busy family life compared to life alone in your own head. This month has probably been my biggest month for personal growth.

I know what I want from life now, and I seem to have figured out my purpose, which is more than just finding my knight in shining armour. I’m hoping that by having a clear vision of what I want to achieve in the next 5 years I will attract the right man who either has a similar vision or can support me with mine.

I left my last post saying that I had my first virtual date with The Financial Advisor. It was actually a phone call and I thought it went pretty well. We talked for over two hours and he was pretty interesting. The problem is I don’t like it when guys have learnt loads of psychology and then they use it on you. It doesn’t work with me because I have learnt a lot of psychology too so I recognise it.

He asked loads of questions which made him seem interesting but the questions he was asking me made me feel like I was in a therapist’s chair. My feelings were confirmed when he added me on Facebook and I saw a post that he had written. It stated that if you wanted people to think that you were a really interesting person just be really interested in them. That is all true and good but on the phone it almost seemed fake. As if he wasn’t really interested in me, just wanted to appear that way to make me interested in ‘him’.

Anyway him and I stopped talking pretty quickly after I expressed my views on Covid 19 and various conspiracy theories. I have pretty strong opinions on the whole thing and it comes from quite a spiritual point of view. Not everybody’s point of view I’m very aware of that. However one thing this lockdown has taught me is don’t be scared to be yourself. I’ve realised I hide behind walls with most men, never truly being my true self due to being scared of scaring them away. And sure enough being my true self does scare away many men but surely that is a good thing if I’m looking for someone to stand the test of time with me.

I haven’t had any other phone calls with men during this time. A few text conversations which moved onto Facebook. Always nice to see the life that someone likes to portray on there but it has gone nowhere so far.

It’s quite funny how they disappear after they hear the answer to the question, “So what’s you life purpose? What do you want to achieve in the next 5 years?” I reply with honesty that I’d either like to have a family and set up my own alternative education home school or foster disadvantaged kids. They run far and fast after saying the word, “cool”.

I don’t mind though. I don’t need a man to accomplish my mission. I’ve realised I’m strong enough to go it alone. This month has really made me appreciate the peace. The peace of not having to worry about men and what’s going on and why they’re acting funny and where they’ve disappeared to. It’s actually been the calmest period of my life.

As for the men from yesteryear. The Beekeeper and I are still really good friends. We had a really big chat a few weeks ago about how there would be no more us. We both want totally different things but we have a huge like and respect for each other.

I had a bit of a cry because I really liked him but I also knew he wasn’t the one. He is a stunning human being and I am so pleased to have him as a friend. He is hopefully coming to visit me in the next couple of weeks and I can’t wait to hang out with him. We video chatted today and it’s just so lovely to talk to a man who totally gets me and accepts me. Getting closer to the real deal I reckon.

Mr Ferrari has been consistent throughout. Gets in touch every few days via text and is always lovely. He still says he wants a date once we go to level 2. I just wonder why he never picks up a phone?

The Smoking Accountant touched base with me again. I don’t know what it is with that man but I definitely still have a soft spot for him. I guess it was because there was a physical and emotional connection there. Oh well. Nothing is happening for at least another two weeks so I will enjoy the bliss and calm of being alone for now. Maybe my King is staring out of the window just like the fictional man in the picture above dreaming of meeting me…