I mentioned at the end of my last post that I had a sordid little story to share, one from the past. The guy in question had been in touch and asked if I wanted to see him while I was back in the UK. Well here is the story.
I used to be married. It was a very short unsuccessful marriage. We had little in common and I knew from the beginning he wasn’t my one. However he treated me well and was a sweetheart. I fell in love with the idea of getting married and sadly not the man.
After only six short months of marriage (but 3 years of being together) I told my husband that I just wasn’t sure about the marriage or ‘us’. He asked me if I could just try but things didn’t get better.
My husband was addicted to gaming. I knew he was a gamer when we met but I didn’t know how much it would drive me insane. The first thing he’d do in the morning was reach for his ipad and play a game. The first thing he’d do in the evening when he got home from work was sit on the sofa and play games. Even at the weekend he would prefer to live in a virtual world than do fun stuff with me. In fact we would have never done anything together if I hadn’t planned anything.
Now I’m not using any of this as an excuse. I am not advocating what I then went on to do but I hope the above offers some sort of explanation.
I was bored, lonely and fed up with being in a sexless relationship so one day I went onto a chatroom. I didn’t intend for anything more than a chat, some sort of connection, not necessarily romantic and one of the first people I got speaking to was a 21 year old Maori from Wellington. I was 33 at the time and would never have usually thought about talking to a guy this young if I was pursuing a relationship. However for some unknown reason we clicked. We chatted and we chatted and we chatted. Night after night after night. I told the Boy I was married. I told him a lot about my life. He told me about his (although quite a bit shorter with not quite so much drama). He was sweet and when we decided to move out of the chatroom onto an app called Kik I saw that he was also pretty gorgeous as well.
Whilst my husband played on his games night after night, I text the Boy. When my husband asked if I was ok and if he should stop playing on his games, I just said “no no I’m happy talking to my friends”.
It wasn’t long before the conversation turned sexual. We would share our deepest sexual fantasies and then role play scenarios by text of what it would be like for us to meet.
This then turned into the occasional phone call. He was quite shy and quiet but equally charming.
After about a month it was decided that we just had to meet and try out some of these role plays. He lived an hour’s flight away so I said I would fly down for two nights and book a hotel.
I couldn’t believe I was going ahead with this. I felt sick but excited at the same time. I did feel guitly but I also knew my marriage was over anyway. So I told my husband I was going on a yoga retreat near Wellington for the weekend and off I went to meet the Boy for a weekend of crazy sex.
Now I must state this is something that I’d never done before. Yes I’d chatted with men online and gone to visit them and yes it had always ended up in sex but I’d never explicitely told a man that this was what I was coming to visit for.
I arrived at my hotel in Wellington and text the Boy to tell him I had arrived. He told me he would text me once he was outside the hotel. I was so nervous.
I dolled myself up and wore a little red and white polka neck dress. I felt confident and awaited the text.
The text arrived and he told me he was sitting outside the hotel. I could see his back and went up to him. We hugged hello. It was a little awkward. Suddenly this little fantasy was all becoming very real.
He asked me what I wanted to do. I said I didn’t mind. We walked to a cafe. What was strange was when we arrived at the cafe he didn’t want anything to eat or drink. What? So I was going to have to eat and drink with the Boy watching me? Odd.
I ordered some food but had really lost my appetite by that stage.
After the strange cafe meal for one we decided to go back to the hotel room. I put on some music and asked if he wanted some wine. He declined. Oh God I thought. The Boy really needed to loosen up. I did too for that matter, so I asked him if he minded if I had a drink. He said he didn’t mind.
I glugged my wine but it wasn’t really happening. After the hours of texting, the scene just wasn’t materialising how I’d imagined. In fact it was terrible because he just wouldn’t speak.
After about an hour I decided it was time for our backup plan. We had decided via text that if things were a bit strange we could watch ‘Breaking Bad’ and just chill. We had been watching them together from opposite ends of the country and were both at the same point in the series.
“Uh oh” I said. “Must be time for Breaking Bad then…” He didn’t decline.
We sat on the bed like two statues. No talking, no touching. You could cut through the atmosphere like a knife. I felt like the poor Boy just wanted to run away. But obviously he couldn’t after only a few hours when I’d spent so much money and a flight coming to visit him.
I could actually feel myself getting annoyed. Did he not realise all the effort I had gone to? How I was fucking married and had actually gone to all this risk and sickness in the stomach to get some action and now this?
I sidled up closer to him. Rested my head on his shoulder, hint hint. But still nothing. Then I thought fuck it. I went into full on predator mode. Again nothing I had ever done before apart from in pure role play of course. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not shy in the bedroom, but I’m certainly no dominatrix either.
I decided to straddle on top of him and just start kissing him passionately and yay. It started working. He started responding and seemed to be enjoying it. And wow he was an amazing kisser too. It was then that I remembered that he’d only had sex once before and maybe his inexperience was making him shy. If this was the case I’d just have to do all the work.
I unbuttoned his shirt and slid my hand down his pants and it was all going well. But then he stopped and pulled away from me. Oh no, now what was happening? He wouldn’t really communicate. He just muttered that he wasn’t feeling it. This appeared so weird because moments before he seemed to be feeling it.
He then excused himself to the bathroom. When he came out. He started getting his jacket and shoes on. I asked what he was doing. He said leaving. I got really annoyed and said, “what the fuck? I come all this way and you’re going to leave now before we’ve even done anything?” He just looked at me sadly.
“ No” I shouted. I just wasn’t having this. I stood in front of the doorway. Little 5ft 3 me trying to barricade a fully grown Boy so that he couldn’t escape. He tried to gently remove me. I stood my ground. He then a little more forcefully removed my arm and said, “I’m going Queen”.
Fuck, he meant it. He was actually going to just leave. Disappear into the night. And that is what he did.
I was devastated. Not because the fantasy didn’t work out but because I felt disgusted and mortified. I felt ugly. I’d obviously disgusted him so much he’d just had to run away. Was I that different to my photos, texts and phone calls?
I rang him after he left. I asked if that was it, was I going to see him again. He just apologised and said he was sorry for wasting my time. I lay on the bed and sobbed and sobbed.
Now let’s fast forward to four years later. I was back in the UK visiting friends and family and I had a friend request come up on Facebook. I didn’t recognise the name and when I clicked on the photo, which was a wedding photo, I barely recognised the man. I wracked my brain and suddenly worked out that this must be the Boy. Now looking like a man and going by his proper name not the shortened name I had known him by.
I accepted the friend request and within half an hour I had a message from the Boy himself. He said that he wanted to apologise. That he had felt terrible all these years for what he’d done to me and that it was one of his biggest regrets. Well never in a million years did I see this happening. I had almost forgotten him. I mean that night was still one of my most mortifying stories, but apart from that I never even thought of him. I asked him what on earth happened. Had I really been that repulsive to him?
He then went onto explain that it was quite the opposite. He was so nervous and got so excited when I pounced on him that he actually came in his pants (he hid that one well). He said he was so embarrassed that he just had to leave.
And there I was, the Queen with the low self-esteem thinking I was some grotesque hideous monster all those years. Oh how our silly little minds can trick us. Lesson learnt Queen. Do not jump to assumptions when we believe we are rejected.
So for the last year the Boy and I have been Messenger penpals. I would say we talk on there every month or so and he is an absolute sweetheart. He’s married now but often complains about his marriage. He loves her but I believe he got married too young and still has a lot of experimenting to do. She looks beautiful and lovely but I’m not so sure the right one for him. However it is not my place to get involved so I give him advice for how to get more sex in his relationship and how to spice things up.
At the weekend we were messaging and he asked me when I was back in the UK. He said he’d love to see me and we started making plans. But something in my stomach didn’t feel right. I didn’t want to be sneaky again and do anything wrong by his wife. I don’t want to be ‘THAT’ woman. He phoned me before he got home from a night out and we talked and laughed. He certainly wasn’t that shy Boy anymore. We left the phone call with me saying, “well let me know about those dates.”
He messaged me today. Said that he had stuff going on on the Sunday I’d planned to be in London. I said oh well. Not to be. He then explained how he really wanted to see me and he’d try to make it work. He could even try to get a day off on the Monday or that he would try to get out of the Sunday event he had planned
Q: Don’t worry. The fact that you’re busy is the universe saying something, I can assure you. If it’s not easy, it’s not meant to be.
B: 😦 you’re probably right. That makes me sad.
Q: I am right. A little disappointing but not meant to be.
B: Well it was a nice idea, I’m probably gunna call you now and then 😀
Q: Sure. Anytime x
So there you have it. Going to keep this one as just an electronic penpal, someone I talk to occasionally. I’m glad my sensible head took over.
In other news, I tried a new dating app last night. It’s called Hinge. I must admit I quite like it. You can only have ten matches a day. So that stops all the losers who swipe right on everybody and then ignore you when you match. Also the photos are taken randomly from facebook so they’re clear, real and recent. The downside. I’ve run out of swipes already.
However, got talking to a gorgeous 32 year old Porguese from Lisbon and he has invited me for a drink tomorrow. Ok, I know I’m off to the UK on Monday but there’s always time for ONE MORE DATE!