A rollercoaster of emotions today but on the whole a good day.
I’ve had such an amazing weekend. A scrumptious three-course meal and wine with a good friend on Friday, sunbathing all day on Saturday and then an amazing contemporary dance show that I watched on Saturday night.
Today was D Day or Date Day or Meet and Greet Day. Today I met The Brazilian. I have been talking to the Brazilian for just over a week via text and phone. He’s my age, has a six year old child who he shares 50/50 with the mum, a surfer, builder slash double glazing installer studying at uni to be an electrical engineer. Sadly, he lives 120km away from me.
The original plan was, we were going to meet in a little beach town called Raglan. He was going to teach me to surf and we were going to eat fresh seafood. Sounded great. I’ve always wanted to surf. Bit random for a first date, me falling in the water spluttering around like a drowned rat, but I was sure it would be fun.
However on Friday, after my dinner I google mapped how long it would take for me to get to Raglan and it said 2 hours 20 minutes. That would be ok if I was staying the night but driving there and back when I’m not even a keen driver seemed too much. So I text the Brazilian surfer and told him it was a bit far for a first date and did he have any other suggestions. He was a bit funny after that. Accusing me of changing my mind because I’d been on a date. I couldn’t be bothered with text ping pong so I explained I hadn’t been on a date, I was still very much looking forward to meeting him but could we meet a bit closer. He told me there were lovely walks near his and we could have some food after if we got on. I still wasn’t sure why I had to go all the way to him but I agreed. He assured me that if we got on, he would come and visit me next time.
The drive took about an hour 40 and I quite enjoyed it. The sun started shining and all was good. I met the Brazilian at his house. He was good looking, looked like his photos, gave me a nice hug, invited me in. Showed me his little house and it was lovely. So clean! I love it when a man has a nice organised clean house. He offered me a beer and I thought that might be a good relaxed way to start our day.
Conversation was easy and we laughed quite a lot. A bit of attraction so I was feeling pretty good about it all. But before I had even finished my beer he was touching my hip and waist and leaned in to kiss me. I had given him no signal that I was ready for this and backed away. He asked if I was ok and I said yes but that I wouldn’t kiss a stranger who I’d only known for half an hour. He was fine with that and kind of rested his arm on my shoulder. He asked me if that was ok and I said it was.
After our beer we decided to go on our walk. It was a lovely walk by the river. I was really enjoying myself. More talking, more laughing. Lovely sunshine. But about 15 minutes after we’d started the walk, he said, “shall we turn around?” I agreed thinking that we would be going to some other pretty spot next. Um nope, we turned around and he directed us back to his.
We got back to his and went back to the sofa where we’d sat before. He got us another beer. We talked some more, all was good. However he was all over me. Hands everywhere, kissing my cheek. I pretty much had to ward him off with my invisible bat. Again, he was fine about it and rested a hand on my leg instead. Anyway, this situation went on for hours. A bit of talking then him having a grope, me explaining I don’t do this with strangers and then back to the beginning. We were then feeling tired from the beers and 5 seconds of sun. He asked me if I wanted to take a nap. I laughed and declined politely saying I wasn’t going to lie on his bed with him. He wondered if it was because I couldn’t trust myself not to do anything with him. Well maybe I couldn’t, but I wasn’t going to test it out.
We then kind of lay-sat on his sofa, him cuddling me but me awkwardly leaning away a bit to keep my distance. No talking, I didn’t want to start kissing incase it led to anything and after half an hour of silently staring into space I decided I should start my one hour 40 minute drive home.
He asked me one last time if I was sure I didn’t want a nap. I politely said that I was fine and would wait until I got home. What the fuck? I didn’t drive all that way to have a beer and go for a nap!
We stood at the doorway and had a big hug and I couldn’t believe it. He had his hands down my shorts. He had a cheeky smile on his face and I told him he was unbelievable.
As I got in my car, I felt a bit disappointed. It’s been happening a lot to me recently. Men just wanting to have sex. The last time was about a month ago with a French guy. I will save that story for another day. I guess I should be flattered that these men at least find me attractive but it’s so frustrating when I want to take it slowly. I know that when I have sex with a man, I get sex brain and can’t think straight about whether I even like the man, let alone want to have a serious relationship with them.
The thing is with the Brazilian is I believe he really wants a relationship, a companion, but like so many men he just doesn’t know how to connect outside of sex. It’s a shame. We discussed this today and he openly admitted that sex helps him feel more connected and then he can open up, connect emotionally and get to know someone after that. I just can’t risk doing it that way anymore. I get too attached after sex.
I must admit when I got home I nearly text him, “next time you meet a woman, maybe have a wank first so you’re less all over her straight away”. I didn’t. I decided to leave it and assumed I wouldn’t hear from him again because I had spent all day pushing him away.
I had two messages on Bumble waiting for me when I got home. One from this accountant I’ve been talking to called Jason and a magician. Yes a magician!
Jason and I have good text banter and are meant to be meeting on Thursday. We were having a lovely text conversation and it took my mind off the disappointment of today. And then he told me he had something that might be a deal breaker. He’s a smoker. Agghhh. I can’t be with a smoker as I’m an ex smoker who smokes a few times a year and if I’m with a smoker I start smoking regularly again. No way do I want that. I told him it was a deal breaker for me and we were both disappointed that we weren’t going to meet up anymore. But then he agreed not to smoke in my company if that was a help. I agreed it could work short term. Let’s see how we get on, on Thursday and cross that bridge if we get on. It’s just bloody typical there is always a catch.
As for the magician, he wants to meet up some time to do some magic on me. I wonder if he’s going to try and magic me into his bed!
The Brazilan text me a few minutes ago. It was a lovely message actually telling me what great company I was and how he had a lovely time. Shock horror, maybe he actually respected me for having boundaries. He also admitted to me that he was lonely. I advised him not to get into a relationship out of loneliness but to take his time and get to know someone. He agreed. We shall see whether he wants to take his time and get to know me.
In other news, sent a text to the pumpkin the other day. He didn’t reply. Think that chapter’s over but you never know. Oh well, roll on the smoking accountant and the magician!