So in my last story I mentioned Laurence and said that this was a story in itself. So here it is.
Laurence and I met on Bumble. I’m actually not sure why I swiped right on his profile. He didn’t have the particular look I go for and his profile mentioned climbing trees, I’m not into climbing trees, but for some reason I was intrigued and we matched. Maybe it was destined in the stars.
I nearly didn’t meet with Laurence. We were planning our first meet and greet and he was going on about finding a field to chill out in with tea. It was mid winter. It had rained every day for a month. This prospect really wasn’t filling me with joy and it was at this point that I said to him that perhaps we were a little different and that maybe there was no point meeting.
After an hour, he managed to persuade me to meet in a cafe. However he kept on saying he didn’t like cafes that much as other people really distract him and he wanted to remain present with me.
We talk throughout the days leading up to this meeting and got on really well. So well, that I told him that I actually lived in the middle of a field and we could have his special chai tea in my field or sit on my deck. Why I was inviting a stranger to my house I don’t know but I tend to trust my intuition and go with the consequences.
Well the meet and greet day came and what do you know, it was pouring with rain. The tea in a field idea was no longer a good idea so I ended up inviting him into my tiny home to drink the tea. It was a good tea… brought over in a thermos, random, and he had a good energy so I wasn’t worried. What surprised me was the crazy chemistry we had between us. He is an open book like me, conversation was so easy and he was clearly very much into me. I liked this guy. Quite a lot for a first meeting. He was clearly into me and I know he would have kissed me or had sex with me that evening but as I do with all men (ok most men) I told him I move slowly with men and like to get to know them before I get physical.
And then the clanger of all clangers. We started talking sex and it became evident that he had a rather kinky side and a few different fetishes. This didn’t phase me in the least. I’m not exactly straight laced myself when it comes to sex. Back in the days when the Internet first became popular my MSN username was kinkyqueen205. Everybody asks about the random 205. Vintage Levi jeans of course. Yes I was always quirky.
So Mr Chai Tea was chatting about his sexual adventures when he told me about this amazing sex he had with a transexual. “You slept with a transexual?” I gasped. “What do you mean?” He then went onto explain that he thought the transexual was a woman. He / She was so feminine. I was confused. I didn’t really want the details of how they had sex but the fact this person had a penis made me ask whether he was infact bisexual. You see I’m very open-minded and not going to judge anyone, however I’m not sure about how I’d feel about dating a bisexual guy. What if he ran off and left me for a man? That would be even worse than being left for a woman surely.
He assured me he wasn’t bisexual and it was just a one off experience. We talked some more, he went home and we agreed to stay in touch and see each other again.
But things got stranger still. A week later I went on a women’s retreat to help out a friend in the kitchen. I was telling her all about this new man I’d met who I rather liked (minus the transexual sex story because I didn’t want to be judged) when one of the other women who was also helping in the kitchen piped up that she’d been on a date only the week before with him. Well this was awkward. She then explained how she’d kissed him and that he was a great kisser. Even more awkward. It was especially awkward when she told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship however he had told me the exact opposite, that he was very much looking for a relationship. Anyway, I got over all that and had a nice weekend.
The Tuesday after the retreat ended he came round to visit me again. Now in my rule book this should have in fact been a date but the fact that he was coming round to mine again meant it wasn’t a date just a hang out. We talked in depth again and got really close. I asked him about the girl on the retreat and how she’d told me he’d kissed her and told her he wasn’t looking for a relationship. He admitted to kissing her but told me he was definitely looking for a relationship. However he also admitted that at the moment he was sexually active with another couple of women. Ugghh. Not a man who was into polyamory again. Yep I had been through all that and wasn’t about to go through that one again.
We talked about what it was that he was looking for and he said he was very much attracted to me and really liked me as a person. So much so that he wouldn’t kiss me or have sex with me because he had so much respect for me and my morals. Wow, I liked this guy even more so now for showing me respect like that.
We ended up spending the rest of the evening listening to music and cuddling on my bed. How did you end up on the bed you may ask? I was giving him reiki for his leg, of course.
He loved my music and I loved the cuddles. We really connected. Beautiful open conversation, tears, laughter, sharing of life stories and cuddles that we both agreed were so intense it felt like we were having sex. It was all quite heated and we nearly kissed but it didn’t happen and I’m glad we didn’t as I know I would have enjoyed it and I didn’t want to just be another woman he was having sex with.
We had already deciphered that we probably weren’t compatible due to him being a huge gamer and weed smoker. But in the midst of that cuddle I didn’t really care how compatible we were. The connection we had was through the roof and I loved every minute of that evening we spent together. At midnight he finally got up and said, “Wow so late. I better leave or I’m going to end up having sex with you”. I agreed and with that he departed.
I got a message from him the next day saying how amazing the evening was and that he found it so hard to tear himself away from me and felt a bit empty as he drove home. As if we’d been having beautiful sex all night and he’d just upped and left. This was how I felt too. He asked me for my music playlist and told me he’d send me his.
We exchanged music playlists and I never heard from Laurence again… until fast forward two months later to last Thursday.
I got a random message from him saying that he’d finally listened to the whole of my playlist and thanked me for it because he loved it so much. Bloody Mercury Retrograde I was thinking. People always pop up from your past at these times in the year. We got talking and he said he’d love to catch up with me and share stories. I told him to come round for dinner on Thursday.
He came round with a bottle of wine (we’d never drank alcohol together before) and it was fascinating. I saw him in a completely different way to the two months before. There was no attraction. No chemistry. He looked mega pale. When we talked, the conversation was lovely and open and flowing but I felt and saw a darkness in him I hadn’t witnessed before. Had he changed or me? It was at this moment I realised how much I’d changed. When I first met up with him I was still transitioning from a dark place of healing to a light happier me. Hence why I had attracted him at that particular time. Now I am in my stride, happy with life and on the whole enjoying being single. This was amazing. It was showing me how far I’d come in just a couple of months.
Laurence admitted to me that he’d actually met someone but it didn’t work out. She was too motivated and career orientated. She wanted to go out on adventures and do things. This woman sounded like me. Apparently she was really into him. She was willing to bypass the fact that he was constantly gaming and smoking. This could have been me. He then told me how he’d found out he had chlamydia and that was the end of them. He’d obviously had it passed onto him from one of the people he was sleeping with. I sat there, not judging but listening. Observing his struggle and thinking thank fuck I’m not embroidled in this man’s mess. Thank fuck I didn’t have sex with him
We actually had a lovely few hours together. So much so I would see him again but definitely not as anything more than a friend and certainly not for a relationship. We both agreed we were not right for each other in that respect.
In other news, Pumpkin Man messaged me today.
D: Hey, what are you up to?
Q: Just sunbathing and getting some chores done. You?
Radio silence. Ah well. Maybe I’ll later find out the pumpkin was a lucky escape too!